Chris Cherry is a Girl, Actually

An FAQ

What do you mean, you’re a girl?

I mean exactly what I said. I am a woman. Specifically, I’m a transgender woman, which is a subset of woman, but, and this is important, not a categorically different thing.

Since when?

Since always, really. I just didn’t realize it and thus was weird and confused and sad a lot of the time without even knowing what I was sad and confused about, which only made me sadder and more confused. But I finally realized it about a year ago and since then have been gradually figuring out what that means and working towards transition.

That sounds like a lot.

It was!

What are your pronouns?

She/her. In the past, I’ve also been okay with “they” because I think I’m probably a little nonbinary, but when people use “they” for me, it feels wrong. So let’s stick with she/her.

A little nonbinary?

Yeah, but mostly I feel this way because I tend to view gender in general as a spectrum, not a binary, with everyone existing on different points along that spectrum. Or, to put it another, needlessly mathy way, gender is a curved function with absolute masculinity and femininity as asymptotes, being infinitely approached but never actually reached.

That’s neat! Does it apply to all trans women?

Nothing applies to all trans women other than the fact that they’re trans. You shouldn’t try to generalize anything I say about myself to any other trans women because a) that’s a bad idea in general and b) I’m weird and my experiences as a trans woman are atypical

Are you changing your name?

Sorta! Unlike a lot of trans women, I’m actually relatively fond of my name and, since it’s gender neutral, I get to keep it. You don’t stop being named Chris Cherry if you can help it. However, at some point, I will be legally changing my name from Christopher to Christine so that everyone is clear about my gender and I don’t get weird looks when I show my ID at places. You can totally call me Christine if you like. I’d actually really like that. But you can also call me Chris like you already have been. And you can also just call me Cherry, like so many people do.

What does transitioning actually entail?

It’s different for everyone (are you sensing a theme yet?). For me, it largely means starting hormone replacement therapy (HRT). HRT changes the way my body produces hormones and basically is giving me a second puberty and boy does it feel like it some days. It’s changing my face, my skin, and body in ways that I find much more liveable. I’m actually starting to like the way that I look, which I can assure you is a very new feeling.

Are you getting surgery?

No idea. It’s hard for me to plan for the future in the best of times and we are not living in the best of times. Knowing what I want for myself has historically been one of my greatest struggles and I’m still working on it. 

Okay, you’re a girl now. I get that. But how do I refer to you when telling some great story about something funny/weird/depressing you did when you were a boy?

I wasn’t really a boy then, as much as a girl who didn't know she was a girl. So it’s way more accurate to use she/her pronouns when talking about me in the past, even if I wasn’t using them at the time. Besides, I can assure you that there are absolutely no good stories about me that involve my gender because I basically avoided drawing attention to it whenever possible. 

But I heard you say on a podcast or in a conversation at a bar or whatever that you used to be a boy! Which is it?

First of all, I haven’t been to any bars lately. Social distancing! Secondly, it’s my gender and I’m allowed to be glib about it if I like. But as far as anyone is concerned, I was a very confused girl at the time. 

I find all of this very confusing and it doesn’t fit in with my worldview and I don’t like it.

Tough titties (which, incidentally, I have now)

Is this just another way of saying you’re gay?

No. Gender and sexual orientation are completely different things. Of course, I’m still primarily attracted to women and I am a woman now. So actually yes, this is just another way of saying I’m gay. You got me there.

See! Right there you said that you’re “a woman now”, which implies that you weren’t a woman before! Get your story straight!

I find you very tiring

I’m your friend and I want to be helpful. How do I do that?

Honestly, just using the right pronouns is huge. In general, do what you can to shift me in your brain from the boy category to the girl category. And if you think I look cute, feel free to tell me. If you think I look gross, keep that to yourself. 

I was talking to/about you just now and I accidentally misgendered you and now I feel like a bad friend and ally. What do I do?

Just correct yourself and move on. I totally understand that this isn’t always easy. But there’s no need to harp on it because that just makes us both more uncomfortable.

I have pictures of you from the past where you looked like a boy. Can I still show them to people? Should I take them down?

A few pictures on Facebook is fine. I’m not trying to erase who I was. Especially if the pictures are from really great memories that we share. That said, if I was to go to, say, someone’s house, and they had a bunch of pre-transition pictures of me and no or next to no post-transition pictures, I’d be uncomfortable. If you’re not sure about sharing or displaying a picture, just hit me up because it may have to be a case-by-case thing. And don’t worry if you have no post transition pics. You’re probably gonna see a lot more pictures of me in the future because I’m finally starting to not hate having my picture taken.

I really like the web series Sam and Pat are Depressed and want to show it to people. Can I still do that, even though you look like a boy in it?

First of all, I’m glad you like Sam and Pat are Depressed! We’re really proud of it. Second, feel free to share it, but it would be good to add a disclaimer that I’m an out trans woman now and that’s not how I present anymore. I’m more than willing to acknowledge my past as long as it’s acknowledged within the context of my present and future.

Is Pat a girl now?

The episodes exist as they are and we certainly aren’t gonna George Lucas them so that Pat’s gender expression matches my current one. So I guess that means that the Pat that exists in those episodes is a boy because that’s what the text says and the text is the text and death of the author and all that. However, if/when we make more episodes, Pat will be a girl in those. If that makes your head hurt, well, it makes my head hurt, too.

I read an article and it said that you’re doing trans wrong. What do you think about that?

Again, everyone’s experiences are different and no two trans people are going to transition in the same way. So not only shouldn’t you view my experiences as definitive, but you shouldn’t judge my transition against the benchmarks or philosophy of someone else’s, either

You titled this “An FAQ”, but I pronounce it “fack” so I think it should say “A FAQ”

I don’t like you very much.

You seem really frustrated with me even though I’m a fictional person that you invented for this FAQ.

Honestly, it’s not even clear from the text that you’re a single person or a chorus of many people asking questions so I don’t know where you get off acting like I’ve done you wrong personally.

Do I have a gender?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯